PRIDE

NYC Pride-Facebook

So this is/was Pride Weekend in various places around the U.S. and around the world.  I was going to try to do my first NYC Pride again this year, but this is one time that I feel odd going to the city alone.  Sure, LGBT people are, for the most part, incredibly friendly, especially those who come out for the big public events.  I've been a proud advocate for the community since right after high school.  But I still don't feel like I have enough street cred to be there without at least one "Pride buddy".

However, I did watch the live tweet that NYC Pride did with photos and Vine videos.  From my desk I cheered for GLSEN and PFLAG and Trevor Project and all the other great organizations that were out there today.  I smiled watching Dykes on Bikes lead off the march.  I loved how generous the community is to invite a douchebag like the mayor to their party.  Maybe some day his stuff straight friends will reciprocate the courtesy.  We don't care though.  Our parties are the best.

What really made my heart swell was photos of s-s families, especially after the momentous SCOTUS ruling this week.  So on this Pride weekend...44 years after the Stonewall riots started the road to equality...I ask all the opposition for INTELLIGENT responses to why YOU (personally) are against marriage and family equality.

Now here's some caveats:

If you're going to use the argument that it somehow demeans heterosexual marriage you have to tell me exactly how.  That answer is so vague it's comical.  How are two men or two women signing a legal agreement that will protect them and their families affecting your marriage?

You can't use any church arguments.  First, we have freedom of and from religion in this country and these laws are not affecting your church, it's congregation and/or how it worships.  You are still free to go to what ever place you go to fellowship with people who follow the same religious doctrine as you and pray and sing and do whatever else you do that does not involve the killing or maiming of other humans (sadly animals and vegetation do not have that same protection).  Also, LGBT people are not asking for WEDDINGS!!  They are asking for a legal contract.  A piece of paper, signed in front of and by a legally recongnized witness and sealed by a notary.

"It's not natural/normal".  Natural?  Look at the rest of the animal kingdom and you will find same-sex and bisexual behavior.  "Normal"?  Who said "normal" was good.  Just because cultures started and have continued on the premise that being a conforming follower is a good thing doesn't mean that is so.  If you're a follower then there are "leaders" and those leaders are not necessarily in those positions because they have your or humanities best interests in mind.  Most of them are manipulators.  They've learned and honed their charisma to use it against people.  They're all on power trips and you are just feeding their egos.  It takes far more intelligence and raw courage to be the individual you were created to be.  baaahhhhh baaaaahhhh sheeple.

"But what about the children".  This is addressed on two levels.  The inability for two people of the same gender to procreate and the raising of children by a s-s couple.  In an era of horrendous over-population, having alternative families willing to adopt kids, especially the harder to place children, this is an amazing option.  I know many gay and lesbian couples who have adopted or fostered children over the age of 3 (after they're not cute little babes and toddlers).  I also am aware of non-traditional families that have adopted special-needs and crisis kids.  With all the current bullshit from the "Pro Life" (read Pro fetus) folks, if they get their way and we have all the babies...someone's going to have to raise these kids because a large percentage of them will end up "in the system".  Today all the pics I saw on the streets of Manhattan of non-traditional families, those kids were loved and loved in return.  They were genuinely happy to be out and about with their two dads or two moms or mom and transgender dad or whatever.  They were dressed in clean clothes that were in very good condition.  Their hair and bodies were clean and brushed...ok except for the ones who had already had a popsicle, ice cream, candy or drink that dripped on them.  They were smiling.  They were happy.  Props to queer parents of little tikes because their kids were either riding on shoulders or piggy-back, holding hands or in a stroller.  How many straight parents I want to smack in the grocery store parking lot cuz their 5-year-old is running out into traffic and not once does the adult grab the kid's hand or put them in a shopping cart.  Next argument?

I will give credit where credit is due if you can actually give me a really intelligent argument as to why and how marriage/family equality is harmful to YOU!

Peace and HAPPY PRIDE EVERYBODY!!

timeout.com

Is it enough to make it better?

It Gets Better...

Really? Dan Savage started the "It Gets Better" campaign shortly after the fifth in a series of publicized suicides of kids who were bullied for their sexual orientation. However, I wonder, as one who was bullied for being from another town originally and dressing differently, is "It Gets Better" enough to give children in grammar and middle school and young adults in high school and college the courage and the stamina to live with daily taunting and threats to not at the least consider physically fighting back if not taking their own lives to escape this? Mr. Savage and the rest of his organization need to understand that this constant derision can set off triggers in kids that lead to clinical depression and knowing that, on average, 180 days out of every year they must face this treatment is more than enough to set off a reaction that does not appear rational to a mentally and emotionally healthy person but seems like the only response at the time to some suffering from depression or other neurosis.

Today I read of another series of tragedies that has taken place over the past four years in the same town, Mentor, OH. One child harassed for being a Croatian immigrant, one for a learning disability, one for being assumed gay and the fourth a combination of social awkwardness but also fueled by a poor home situation. The last one experts are not stating was based on bullying but did nothing to investigate the family issues and over the next two years both remaining children in the household also took their own lives.

While the results of bullying are finally making headlines, we are sorely pressed to go back over the numbers and determine how many young people found the predatory nature of school social life so overwhelming that suicide became more and more inviting every day. As a mother of a child who was not only bullied but put in a different school system due to a letter that was added to his school record by the principal when he was in fifth grade based on requirements of the anti-bullying protocol set out by the local board of education, I speak from experience. My son was the victim of a typically cagey bully, female I might add, who timed her verbal attacks so that she was not the one caught when the teacher rounded the corner. It was my son who was heard saying, "Leave me alone or I'll kill you." The principal ignored the "Leave me alone" part and focused on the "I'll kill you" based on the lies spewed by the girl that she had never harassed or threatened my son.

The bullying escalated to racist slurs when my son moved to a middle school in a nearby city where white kids were the minority. Fortunately some administrators and faculty members were more astute than the principal and put kids in their places when racial slurs were heard. He also still was taunted for being overweight, from out of town and overly sociable. Finally came high school where the racism was far more blatant and not only condoned by the principal, she herself participated in it. She also did nothing to protect LGBTQ kids in an ARTS HIGH SCHOOL!! One of my son's best friends was an out queer and a drag queen at the age of fourteen. Add to this my son being cyberbullied? "It Gets Better"?

I believe the only reason my son made it through was the fact that I was observant and he likes to talk. I made myself available to both my kids from the beginning so they generally came to me with things. When his sister left for college and their father moved out, the signs of a growing depression I'd been vaguely aware of since he was about eight became more prominent and I offered the option of talking to a therapist. We did a few sessions together and he did a couple on his own. Between that, getting out of this town, finding three excellent mentors in his new school and one in high school, my son grew a relatively thick hide. However, he did come home often and share the pain of being a target.

If the "It Gets Better" videos had been around then would they have made it easier for him? I don't know. I know as a college freshman he has watched some and they have affected him. He has a very tender heart and so some of them have brought tears to his eyes and broken that heart some. As someone who aspires to work in the entertainment industry it does mean a lot to him to hear celebrities telling him to "hang in there".

However, I think it takes more. "It Gets Better" is a great message but when you are in the middle of this day in and day out, what you want is for it to stop. When you are trying to validate yourself and determine who you want to be when you grow up, it's really hard when people are constantly telling you that your broken, a freak, fat, ugly, stupid, the "wrong" color, or the "wrong" sexual orientation. And now with the internet, the harassment doesn't stop after the kids get off the bus. It comes via Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and text messages. Providing bullies with media that they can be practically completely anonymous and attack at all hours of the day or night has only made this problem worse. It's also easier for kids who wouldn't normally do so to join in because they too can disguise their identities.

For It To Get Better will take more. It always has. We need to get back to the days when parents taught their kids that being a bully or just making a single unkind remark to someone who is different is not socially acceptable. Parents need to get back to parenting and teach kids about respect. Parents need to monitor their kids on line and on the phone. If they discover their children using the Internet or their cell phone to harass another child...TAKE THEM AWAY!! It is not going to put your kid in the state mental hospital if you lock up the laptop, pull the plug from the desktop or take away their cell phone. "But Sally needs the computer for school". So? She can still use all the word processing, presentation and spreadsheet programs if you unplug the modem and the router. Make her go to the library and use their Internet. Or start small and buy some Net Nanny software and block social networking sites. Seriously, you're the parent...grow a pair. As for schools? Most have sites blocked that kids shouldn't be on at school anyway. Administrators need to monitor themselves, faculty and security to insure that they are not protecting bullies...and YES that does happen. Think about it. Example-a meathead rent-a-cop who couldn't make it into the police academy already has that chip on his shoulder. Give him the gum machine badge and uniform and put him in the hallways of an urban high school. He witnesses kids picking on the girl with braces, the short African-American boy or the overweight guy that's kind of flamboyant. Who do you think this guy is going to side with? If he defends the kids getting taunted he feels that the perpetrators are going to see him as weak. He wants to be tough like them. So he lets them go and may even laugh at their victims along with them.

Kids need advocates in the schools. In a time when boards of education are worried about budget cuts, how hard is it to accept parents or other adults willing to volunteer a day or two every month to patrol the halls and come to the aid of the victims and/or hold meetings with students to first explain to them about respect, treating people the way they want to be treated and loving themselves? Allow outside adults who offer the chance to be advisers so the students can start a SAGA chapter in their school. If there is one and has a faculty adviser, then the rest of the staff needs to support it and publicize it and back their events. Provide for other social organizations that improve self-esteem for various groups whether race related, interest related, etc. Don't put such an emphasis on athletics. I'm not saying don't provide sports teams but offer other options for kids who just aren't jocks. Chess club, math club, drama club and then help them thrive so that the members can go to events outside of their school. Also allow them to create events that they can invite outsiders to to show off their accomplishments. Being a nerd can be really cool. Being Asian can be beautiful. Being a skateboarder can be exciting.

It can get better but I believe it takes a lot more than external videos by celebs most of these kids will never meet. Yes, Neil Patrick Harris, Tim Gunn, Chris Colfer, Ellen Degeneres, etc. are fabulous role models to LGBTQ kids. Personally I'd also like to see some entertainers I'm aware of doing vids on being picked on for being the smart kids, the fat kids, the wimpy kids and the kids with glasses/braces. There are some great Hispanic, black, Asian and East Indian role models who can do these videos. But it takes more. It takes people coming into schools and being with students one-on-one to make it real for them. It takes parents listening and talking to their kids. It takes social workers and therapists giving victims tools to fight back without becoming bullies themselves. It takes someone to make the bully look inside himself or herself and face the weakness they are hiding by projecting it on to someone else.

We all have fears. Most of them are unwarranted. Just yesterday I dealt with mine of people who look different. As one who was bullied I'd never demean them for physical or mental challenges but it is hard for me to treat them just like I'd treat myself. I worked hard on getting past that. And then I noticed that the mentally challenged woman who bagged my groceries did a far better job then most of the able-minded high schoolers who normal pack my stuff. It humbled me. It raised a bit of shame in me as it should have. We all need to teach each other that the proper way to deal with fear is to educate ourselves. If you can't bring yourself to talk to that person, just don't say anything but still nod and smile. It's a start. If you don't agree with someone's opinion don't yell them into submission, talk to them and find out why they feel that way and why you don't. If someone is different don't physically assault them to make yourself feel somehow superior. Tell yourself it's ok to be afraid of things you don't understand. Ignorance is not bliss especially if you follow a theological tradition of a deity that created people in its own image. If you use that "god" as your weapon of choice to assault people with, it is the supreme act of disrespect of that divine being who gave you a working brain and hopes that you'll use it for something more than a hat rack or an engine to conjure new manners to spew hate.

So Dan? My hat's off to you for coming up with another weapon in the newly growing arsenal against hate and harassment. But understand it needs more substance behind it. For sexual orientation issues GLESN has come up with curriculum addendum to teach students about sexual orientation issues. Other organizations to check out:

Make It Better
Not In Our Town

Stop Cyberbullying

And here is the homepage for Dan's It Gets Better YouTube Channel:
It Gets Better

Your argument is invalid - The NOH8 trial

The past few days I have been following The Advocate's live tweets from the NOH8 trials.  Today the testimony just completely blew my mind as far as it's total lack of intelligent thought processes and conclusions.  I know, I do not have a college degree.  I took a half year of Sociology my Senior year in high school and zero Psych courses but still I know that all I kept hearing today was "1+1 = fish".

Why are churches getting involved in the politics of civil rights?  Gay "marriage" is a fight for government and legal recognition not a church ceremony.  The LGBT community wants nothing more than the same tax breaks a heterosexual couple gets for having a "marriage license" on file at the local town hall along with job protection, health benefits and legal protection of their estates for their partners and children.  There a millions of Americans who are "married" in civil ceremonies by justices of the peace.  There is no religious value at all, just the sealing of the document they just signed that gives them governmental and legal sanction of their couplehood.  Just like having an affidavit witnessed by an officer of the court.  They ask all the requisite questions and you both sign the document and the notary seals it.

No branch of the U.S. government nor any state or local agency can mandate that a church perform a religious ceremony of any kind including weddings.  They only require that clergy also be certified as Justices of the Peace so they can legally witness the marriage license. (see comment below-this is not necessarily a true fact. CT does not require JP status for clergy.  Feel free to post your state's statutes on this.  Thank you) It's very frustrating that Christians and Jews can not seem to differentiate between "marriage" and "wedding".  I'm not sure what Muslims call their coupling ritual so I apologize for not including it. 

Then to take it a step further.  Religious groups want to bring this into a "family" realm by stating that same sex marriage destroys the American family.  Really?  If a child is raised in a loving household, has parents who make sure they are safely housed and sent to school every day and living within the law, what's the issue?  How about deadbeat dads and men who have just abdicated as parents/bread winners?  From personal experience I think they do more damage to families.  And while we're casting stones, there are numerous Catholic organizations fighting gay "marriage" who are sitting back saying nothing about the pedophiles within their clergy.  Don't you think that puts a far bigger strain on a family and children if parents protect the person who is molesting their kids?  Just sayin' people.  And as a single-parent I beg the court's indulgence by asking how is my situation any stronger family unit than a same-sex pair raising kids?  Hey!  They have the advantage of two incomes and the probability of one of them being physically and emotionally available to their children more often that I do.

So lets go back to same-sex marriage having a negative affect on heterosexual marriages.  How?  Because less LGBT's will hide in a straight marriage because of the social and psychological strain of living out?  Or because they will show straight couples up with the longevity of their relationships.  They don't have to wait for a major family issue to stress their relationship because they have a huge stress-factor going in...being LGBT people.  They've already lived their lives before they were a couple with all the problems and stigma that come the fact of realizing they're not "normal".  Then to make it a non-traditional coupling.  Twice the stress.  So they tend to do very good with the bumps and bruises that come with keeping a relationship vibrant and healthy.  Many same-sex couples stay together for life and have a better track record of doing so than straights.  And if they do split that is no reason for self-righteous straights to go "Oh look.  See they are promiscuous"  Bull shit!! What about your 14-year-old slut daughter you let out of the house in a mini-skirt and tank top that has more than one condom in her purse or your spouse whose had a mistress for the past ten years?

Which brings us to the family thing.  First, I'll pick up from the last paragraph...straight does not equal good parents.  Done!  Second, straight parents can produce gay children.  In fact most LGBT kids come out of heterosexual homes.  As for same-sex couples only producing LGBT kids?  Really?  Come on.  Really?  If sexuality is genetic (which I do believe) any child of a gay or lesbian couple, has a parent of the opposite sex. Lesbians will have a sperm donor or will adopt.  Gay men will have a surrogate mother or will adopt.  The conceived children will have the genes of both its parents and their family history so even if the sperm donor or surrogate are also genetically identified as non-heterosexual that parent's parents and the member of the same-sex couple providing the sperm or egg may carry the heterosexual gene and based on historic figures, the resulting child is more apt to be bisexually or heterosexually identified than homosexually.

As far as socialization, just because a child is raised in a gay home doesn't mean they'll be gay.  More likely just more healthily tolerant.  Kids go to school.  They know there are more kids from straight households or single-parent households than from homes like theirs with two moms or two dads.  Of course with the current social climate they will be made to feel different, weird, etc. by fellow students, faculty and administration even though they shouldn't be.  As for the two moms or two dads raising their kids to be LGBT?  Trust me, not even gay parents wish that on their kids and the kids will experience it first hand before they go to school in the way that other people treat their parents.  So for me...if anything a same-sex parented family is stronger, more tolerant, and has a better grasp on how the Divine wishes this world would work.  Wanna play the "God card" religious people?  Gay/Lesbian households are living closer to your scriptures than you are because they are not teaching their kids to build walls or barriers or create labels for other people.  They're teaching them to forgive and understand and love people even in those people's ignorance. 

To the witnesses in this trial...your argument is invalid.  If run through simple tests of validity or just common sense, they don't hold water.  So just stop wasting taxpayers money.  Taxpayers?  Leave your religious crap at the door when voting for legislatures.  Providing any minority with the same freedoms you enjoy in "the land of the free" is just the right thing to do no matter what Higher Power you subscribe to.  The LGBT community is not harming you.  They are not robbing your house or burning it down.  They are not stealing your stuff.  They are not physically harming you or your children.  Validating them and their rights does not mean they're going to try to "turn" your kids.  Your children are in far more danger from pedophiles, rapists and kidnappers.  No!  Your kids are far more apt to get hit by a car or succumb to alcohol poisoning in an evening of underage drinking you sanctioned in your basement.  Your children are more susceptible to  STD's from playing at unprotected sex with a member of the opposite gender.  Your daughters are at a higher risk of becoming pregnant before they turn 18 than discovering they are lesbians.  Your sons have a higher probability of going to jail for possession of illegal drugs, dui, or causing a major accident by driving recklessly than facing that he gender-identifies as female and starts the agonizing journey of a transsexual.  Your arguments are invalid.